What is with all this lawn mowing?

alex-lifeson-lawn-mowerI really don’t understand why my neighbors have such a hard-on for mowing the lawn. Sure, we all have to cut the grass, but these guys seem to be chomping at the bit to get it done. At 9am they’re like horses out of the gate rushing to get their mower wheels on grass. And it’s not like they’re trying appease the Mrs. and get it done so they can go piss the rest of the day away at the golf course or auto show or football game. The mowing is merely the start of their multi-staged, multi-pronged garden tending adventure. After they’ve cut the grass in alternating patterns it’s time to pull out the weed eater, then the edger, then the leaf blower. Honestly, I think some of the guys out there have an unnatural relationship with their leaf blowers. And for some they break it out multiple times a week.

I mow the lawn because I have to and it keeps the Homeowner’s Association at bay. I get no thrill from doing laps around the yard. I don’t get high on the smell of cut grass. I do get high on the spilt gasoline though. I have no want to take out a level and make sure my edged lines are even. Hell, I don’t even do edging, or weed eating for that matter. I’m cutting the grass and then moving on to something that doesn’t suck ass. I don’t want to live in a neighborhood where people put cars on cinder blocks but come on people, there is a little more to life than all this lawn care.

I suppose it’s better than the dick knob that cuts his grass, rakes it up and then shovels it in the storm drain because he’s too much of a lazy bastard to walk the 20 feet to throw the crap away in his own garbage bin.

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